Foul Play: A Sonic Murder Mystery
by HellRoomer
Summary: Sonic and his roommate friends live at Harvard, but things go horrible wrong one night... Watch in this wacky College adventure as Sonic and crew are faced with the spookiest and dangeriest mystery of a lifetime. Who knows who will survive in... Sonic Murder Mystery!
1. The Murderer

Chapter 1: The Fateful Mistakes

The sun was setting over the big buildings of Harvard University, home of all the richest and smartest college students in the world. Red and orange light of the sun in October, five days before the Halloween party, cast long shadows like the necks of giraffes, a single lone figure was running fast on the sidewalks. He was going so fast, his shadow couldn't even catch up! It was Sonic the Hedgehog! Blue backpack slung over his shoulder, track shoes glinting in the golden light of the sun. Airpods lodged tight in his ears, blasting _Live and Learn_, Sonic ran and ran, because he was the fastest. Having got into the amazing Harvard University with his best friends thanks to his speed letting him get a full scholarship with the track team, Sonic now lives in the on campus apartments with Tail, his bestest friend, Amy, his girlest friend, and Knuckles, his old rival turned buddy. Tails got in because he was the smartest, and made so many inventions the school board had t0 let him in. Amy got in thanks to her step dad paying a lot of money, because she wasn't the smartest or fastest. Knuckles got in thanks to being a football player and getting a full scholarship, just like his friend and rival, Sonic hedgehog, who got in by running fast, because he is the fastest. Sonic had just finished his last class of the day, Psychology 101, and was ready to have some dinner with his friends. After running up all of the stairs up to their third floor apartment, Sonic slammed open the door and saw his friend, Knuckles, standing there, football jersey number 69 on his chest.

"Hey there K-nucks, how was the big game?"

"Not bad speedster, not bad. We won the game with the ball in the other court. I quartered many backs and scored the touchdown."

"Wow! Just as I'd expect from my old rival. You really are the reddest, baddest nigga in town. What're you up to anyway?"

The echidna had a pot filled with bubbling water over the stove, a wooden spoon sticking jauntily out of it.

"Spaghetti," said Knuckles with a grin. "PP."

Sonic did a dance move. "Has Amy washed her panties yet?"

Knuckles brought out the tomatoes for the tomato sauce, and a large knife to cut them up with. "Yeah, I think they're in the dryer now. Gonna steal them again you rascal?"

"You KNOW it." Screamed Sonic, moonwalking fast over to the laundry room and pulling Amy's pink panties out of the dryer. After a quick sniff, he ran to his room and stashed away the clean underwear. "I prefer them ripe." Sonic thought to himself, before rejoining Knuckles in the kitchen, the smell of tomatoes and hot water and Knuckles filling the moist air. Knuckles was just finishing up the tomatoes as Sonic camed back into the room.

"So, I hear you have a date with Rogue tomorrow at 5:35 AM, huh Big Red?" The Blue Blur asks with a knowing smirk and slanty sex eyes.

"Yeah, I asked her out because she is a cheerleader and I won the gaaaaaAAAAAAYYYY-!" But Knuckled didnt finish what he was starting to saying, because he tripped over Tails's Lego Star Wars Death Star set, and felled onto his knife, instantly piercing his heart and dying of shock and lack of heartbeat. Blood, red like him, pooled instantly over the Death Star, drowning Darth Vader, and almost touching Sonic's track shoes.

"Holy shit, what the fuck, holy fucking shit, my shoes! Also Knuckles, damn." Sonic had saucer eyes as his mouth opened wider than a cookie jar held by several orphan children who had never had momma's Snickerdoodle specialty cookies before. Sonic stared down at the red Thunder's corpse. Sonic looked on for a moment, before quickly picking up Tails's full constructed Lego Star Wars Death Star set. "W-woah there buddy, d-don't stain Tails's Lego set. You can't stain the blocks. Don't stain the blocks." Sonic waited for Knuckles to get up, but he just planked and would not stop being dead. "Hey, buddy, get up. Come on, you'll be late for your date in five minutes." But only the sounds of silence greeted the Hog as his friend lay in the pool of his own Kool-aid color. Sonic pulled the knife out of his friend's heart area, gloved hand shaking like his Mom's magic wand of happiness in slow realization.

Suddenly, a door opened across the room of living (which is ironic because Knuckles is not living.) Amy Rose was standing there, pantyless and surprised with a look of horror on her squeaky girl face.

"Sonic, what the fuck is going on, why are you wearing Gay Pods, is that Knuckles? WHy is he surrounded by… Kool-aid… Oh god… OH fuck...!"

Sonic looked down at the deadman and made a realization. She saw his knife. SHe saw his hand. She saw the blood on the knife. She must think Sonic had slain his dumbass comic relief!

"Wait, Amy, it's not what it looks like! Don't call the fucking fuzz! NOOOOO!" She had moved towards her pocket phone, but Sonic was far too fast for her number dialing hand. Before she could even get the 9 out, Sonic had plunged the Blade in the space between her left and right boobs. She stared into his Eye, and he stared at her tits. He was a ghast at what he had done, but it was the only option left to him now after what she had used her eyes to seen and misunderstood with her dumb female brain.

"Oops," Said Sonic, as she fell like a coconut from the tree is Hawaii probably and hit the ground very hard just like the coconut hitting an eggman's vulnerable skull. He stared at what he done, but then heard the other door opens. It was… Tails!

The Foxy Fox watched sonic turn around, bloody streams of splooshy blood all over his best friend. "What is this Sonic, What is going on? I was doing my sciences when Amy screamed? Are you hurt?" But then he saw the truth before his little boy eyes. Knuckles and Amy were in the planking position on the blood ground, and he felt for the first time fear. BUt… it was sexy fear, a loyal kind born from sexy feelings for his best friend, SOnic.

"I can help you Sonic, I-I-I can help you don't get any ideas about kn-kn-knifing me." ejaculated Tails. "Please… Brother friend… Lover…." Butt sonic knew he could not leave any loose ends, even if tails had too ends that could fly.

"I'm so sorry, but nobody can be allowed to view." Sonic moved at his super Sonic sound barrier braking speed and Stabbed his Tails friend in the guts.

"N-No…. I forgive you, Sonic…" Tails had a boner and a tear falling down his furry blushing almost dead face. Sonic also had a big watery tear, for his deads friends. Tails falls to the ground, not unlike the same coconut from before but this time yellow, erect and more tinier. Sonic stood amidst his dead friends, and knew what he must do to save himself.

Sonic zoom ranned into Tail's science experiment room, eyes rotating and looking fast for some paper and wood with lead in it. He found it and sat on Tail's gamer throne and began to think like his previously alive homo friend as he started to write a note of self inflicted death.

"I, Tails the Fox, AKA Miles "Tails the Fox" Prower Hedgehog, am going to commit the double murder and die. I always hated the Red man because of his race and his sex advenutres which i got none of. I was always jealous of Amy Rose because she was closer to Sonic and he never stole my panties the way he stole hers. Thus, I will stab Knuckles with this tomato slicer and dicer and then rid of AMy who would did seen it all. Now I will jump myself off this building and end my existence. I love you SOnic and mom, plz forgive. Keep my dumb science toys safe.

I wanna die high.

Tails, signing off."

Perfect, thought Sonic, as he placed the paper on Tails's's bed next to his favorite Sonic Figma and teddy hedgehog. Then, he grabbed his old friend Tails by the tails and scooted him over to his window, opening it with his strong hand. He dropped his friend out like a sack of potatoes that were not good enough to eat anymore due to them being covered in juice from the juice maker next door. As he hears the plop of Tails body on the cement of Harvard university sidewalk, Sonic whispered "Gotta go fast." Sonic yawned and scuttled back to his room to sleep and have Sonic speedy dreams, knowing his life had changed for the ever.

End of Chapter 1


	2. The Investigator

Chapter 2: The Investigator

In the dark shadows of the shadowy night, a shadowy hedgehog slept in his shadowy bed. His name is Shacow; The dark knight of the dark city of Boston. Brooding shadow thoughts filled Shadow's shadowy head, and even though he knows he should be asleep he isn't because he's so bad. Bitch in hand, unlit cigar in mouth, he thought about all the bad things he could be doing, but isn't. Because it's bedtime. He needs his shadowy slumber and he likes dreaming. Suddenly, a phone call ringing shatters his not sleep: he arises from the planking position and reached to his Samsung Galaxy s10e, with a dark nasty look recognizing the gay phone number. Putting on his sunglasses, Shadow pressed the button to answer the call immediately on his phone, and placed it next to his black person ear.

"What's the joke callin' me this late, Egghead? Even I need my booty sleep." He growled lowly, knowing full well he wasn't sleeping a wink or even two.

"Listen, Shadoo, this ain't a laughin' matter. My adoptive daughter, Amy Rose Eggman, has been located dead." Shadow smoked his coffee and groped his bitches in thought, but speaked nothing. "Cut the poopy Hedgehog, I know you're a retired criminal and detective who stopped because of the spooky gay clown snatch incident, but dammit you're the only man for the job. The cops in this town don't know the right end of a bicycle from the other one."

Sahdow paused in the long moment, thinking thoughts around like how a smart kid in school thinks about things really hard but doesn't even know how to ask a pretty girl to eat his pp.

"True dat. Fine, dirtshit, I'll take your case. Butt you better be damn sure to know it'll cost you." SHadow shows three fingers. "I wanting three thousand dollars for every day I spend on your dumb dead daughter bitch's death."

After a long moment that lasted only a few seconds, Eggman agreed and Shadow put the phone face down; But not before checking his instagram feed for some hot women and minecrafts. His brooding energy intensified, awaking the useless woman in the glow-in-the-dark stained sheets beside him.

"What is it hunky hunk?" The bitch rolled around in the sheets like how a stupid dog rolls around in the grass, "Why are you looking at your phone and not me?"

"Shut fuck up you squeaky woman," Shadow spitted, throwing some of his lukewarm coffee on her to keep her from complaining, "I have busy business that's important to do… you wouldn't understand cuz your gender isn't male."

"Wow…" The slender female sighed and whinnied like a horse prancing in the open fields of Kansas or Ohio, either one works, "You're _so _bad Shadow...let's have a wrestling match."

"No." Said Shaodw, getting more pissed off with her bitchy retarded behavior and clingy gay energy, "I'm out of practice; I'm better at sex than destroying human lives in the ring. Plus wrestling is super stupid like why would anyone beat each other up for fun. Ow."

The bitch was pulling a little too hard on Shadow's ear with her foot. She has one powerful foot, Shadow thought, as he picked her up with a pinky and threw her on the floor with inhedgehog amounts of strength.

"You happy now? You attention-seaking whore!" Shadow snarked and scratched his butt really good. The girl was almost dead with his power throw. He rose from the water bed like how Jesus rose from the grave, and threw on his fluffy monogrammed (SQH) pink robe from Gucci.

The broody broodster looked out from his window in the shadowiest parts of the city, watching cars zoom by like in the movies, and lights from towers of buildings shine on his black face. He took a swig of cold decaf coffee. Caffiene at night is bad for you, aftr all.

"Looks like there's work for us to take care of afters all," Shadow remarked, looking up to the moon like how a werewolf does before he howls, the reflection of a mussly ghostly figure just visible behind his ass, who wanked rally fast then vanished into the aether.

Cut to the Harvard university: Shadow pulls in his 1975 Gran Torino with custum sparkle red and black paint jewb; the pride and joy of his short and broody life. Looking up at the big gay building, he could smell the stinky aroma of death and crime. That kind of aroma gets his hedgehog body stimulated.

"This is gonna be one hell of a rocky road…" He thinks about ice cream. He could go for a cone or two after his job was completion. BUt he couldn't worry about that now. Yellow police tape surrounds the road at night, as the red and blue lights flash like the boobs of sexually excited women to Shadow, which is all of them. He chuckles to himself as he parks his car in the parallel way in the handicap spot. Detectives get priority over the law.

A big, fatty ass cop looks around at first in anger then in fear as he sees the hunk of a black man approaching quick in his roller skates.

"Detective Shadow, is that really you?" The cop shakes and squiggles in his copper boots.

"Don't cream your pants too hard there, officer, fuck you. Show me the deads."

"Yes, sir. It's a pretty rough look in there, lots of deads and only one blue survivor." The cop pointed towards the crime setting in fear and slight arousal at the sight of the dark, fuzzy hedgeboy. Shadow paused in thot at the sound of the word "blue", before forgetti spaghetting about it and continuing into the place of the recent murders, maybe.

Shadow skated broodingly through the halls, remembering that he too is technically a Harvard student but doesn't go to class because he's too naughty. He noticed how the old building didn't have cameras, so there's no way it captrued the previous crimes the last night. Damn the lack of evidence provided.

The gay cop said to the hedgehog as he struggled to keep up, panting with his small lungs, "Harvard won't show us the footage of the hallways, lying about them even existing in the first place."

Shadow grinned to himslf with a half smile and said under his musky alpha male-energy breath, "Of course this apartment doesn't have cameras, that would be an intrusion on people's privacy you dumb gay fuck."

"Yes master. Here's the door." Number four-twenty shone in golden plating letters on the almost closed door.

"Dio's mio!" Shadow proclaimed to the heavens, but not really as he was bad so it was actually the hells, as he was shone the crime house. Planking bloodied bodies on the kitchen and room of ironic living. What kind of sicko would DO this? Thot Shadow very hard...

Shaowdaw bent down to the red man's body, investigating with his investigative mind.

"Is he even bloodied? He looks fine." Shadow screamed at the homo cop from the behind of him.

"Sir, he is, it's just masked by his natural kool aid skin color…" The cop cried.

"I hate the reddies. Moving on." The dark detective tipped his fedora and left the kitchen, but not before noticing the fully-constructed Lego Star Wars Death Star set nearby.

"Woah. What the FUCK even is this? Some really nicely put together fully constructed Lego Star Wars Death Star Set? What kind of fuckhead nerd made this? Surely it wasn't the red man, he looks like a gay jocky sex fiend." Shadow snapped a pic of the set (which had some bloood on it for extra appeal) for his snapchat story. He shares his confidential information on there to get the ladies ;)

"I've seen enough of this gaybage. SHow me the living one." The stupid fat cop, probably eaten a large amount of Krispy Kream donuts, took him to the only room not surrounded by bloody streams.

There lied AMy Rose. Planking, pantiless, and lifeless. Also her titties. Damn.

He flipped her over to get a better look at her wounds and totally not her sexy filled lady hedgebody.

"Stabbed right between the boobles. This girlie has it rough, huh?" Shadow noticed her lack of undergarments and made a makeshift diaper with his leather jacket so she wouldn't be shamed no longer.

The cop watched in horror and horny as Shadow removed her clothes further. "What're you doing there son?! How innapproppriiative!"

"Shut the fuck up grampie, I'm checking out her epic stab wound. Isn't that our goddamn JOB?" Shadow shadowed and glared with his big eye.

"Well at least put some gloves on for the sake of decency." The cop scolded the black hedgehog as he shoved his shoulder away from the recently dead Amy Rose Eggman.

"I'm ALWAYS WEARING GLOVES yOU GAY ASSHOLE." Shadow whispered deep in the cop's ear with extreme pussy-destroying energy like the bad boy he was.

"I-I'm sorry, sir. Please continue." The cop sobbed and cried like a baby and remembered his better life at home and how much he hated his job and missed his lovely love of his life wife.

"Since you questioned my authority, I'm gonna fuck your wife too." said Shadow, and the man knew it was true because Shadow was a famous sex conquistador, and no woman could resist his blackness and cool fedora. Glad the cop finally shutted up his mouth, Shadow stared down at the breasts, which had nipples too. Damn said Shadow.

Moving on, Shadow skated moodily into the room of Tails Miles Hedgehog Prower the First. The true evidence of the crime would reside within it.

"A suidide note?!" Shadow shooked and spurted spit in shock, "How can this be? The little science boy _Tail_ did all of this?"

No, it couldn't be, there has to be more to this mysterious mystery death crime. There's a missing piece to this puzzle… Shadow looked towards an almost-finished puzzle of an airplane was on Tails's desk. Shadow finished it. What else could be missing crime?

Before Shadow could finish his thought train as it was chugging along going through the fields of America to bring the lumber from the trees to the city to build more cool places, the gay asscop came in and interrupted it.

"Your broody-ness, sorry to bother your investigation energy, but we brought in your first "witness" to interrogate…" He pronounced with sad fear.

Shadow was flabborgasted with the sight he beheld in front of his black shadowy eyes and penis, but didn't show it because only gays show emotions.

Shadow tipped his fedora down and looked at the ground in quiet silence, not knowing what to say to the speedy boy in front of him. The blue blur snickered.

"Hehe, hey there buddy! Long time to pee."

End of CHatper 2


	3. The Interrogation

Chapter Three: The Interrogation

Shacow slammed his masculine hairy fist on the table in the interrogation room, deep in the bowels of the Boston City Police Department, SOnic sitting with his big boy feet up on the same table, chili dog in hand.

"Alright hog, let's shave the bullshit, where were you on the night of last night?" The darker hedgehog brooded as he put the thick cigar in his mouth and tipped his black fedora.

Sonic took a long, succulent bite form his chili dog, smirking but saying nothing as he feasted.

"I want answers, dammit!" Shadow swiped in furry with his big fist and slapped the chili dog out of Sonic's moist grasp.

"Hehe… I thought this case looked pretty cut and dry, darkie. I don't know why you're wasting your sweet time on little old me… Though I'm not actually that little." SOnic winked at the female police officer standing in the corner of the shadowy room. SHe blushed like a little girl on her first trip to the park where the homeless man shows her his pot o' gold.

"Uwu," said the woman officer, and did a blush at Sonic and his manly man-ness. He did finger guns at her and she came a little bit, her boobs shivering in the horny.

"Get her out of here!" Shadow snarled at his dark guard like a wolf tiger, "We don't need a horny woman in this establishment - there's TOO MUCH at stake!"

The drippy sweaty excited woman was then promptly escorted out of the room by the big strong-looking man Bubbles from Lilo and Stitch, the Movie (2002).

"If you won't talk, we have other ways of checking where you were… Why don't we have a look at your Google account, huh?" Shadow smirked with the knowing; there's no way the bastard could wiggle his wormy way out of this hole.

"What? Google account?" Sonic said with a big surprise, looking up and giving Shadoo the satisfaction of knowing he was onto something, "Well, sorry to disappoint, buddy. Hehe - I use Bing, of course."

"You SON OF A BITCH." Shadow crushed the table in front of him with big strong, spilling his decaf cofefe all over the carpet. That'll stain the carpet.

Sonic continued to look smug like the sneaky little hoggy man he is, Shadow thought to himself as he wiped his brow with his hankerchief.

"Alright, cut the crap speedster, THree dead bodies and you survive? Sounds kinda like bullshit to me." Shaowd growled like a bad doggy, no treats for him.

"I guess shit happens and I got lucky," Sonic sighed, lookiing a touch bit sad as he looked to the stars he couldn't see becuz there was a roof and no windows.

"This is retarded" Shahadow humphed and crumpled up in his chair and crossed his arms, spitting out his illegal tabcco, "All of your friends are dead... you got some fat balls to act like this, huh?"

"Heh, I thought we were friends Shadow" the blur snorted like an elephant with a headcold and poured himself a glass of self-serve water.

"High school was a long time ago, speedster…." the black one broodingly turned away in slight remorse.

The low buzzing of the flourescent lights droned on in their ears, Sonic's feet jiggling with the tunes in his head.

"There's one thing that doesn't add up, Sonniic, and that's the peculiar behavior of Miles Tails the Fox Prower Hedgehog the First before his supposed… _activities_ last night."

"Oh, do explain Shawdo, I love a good mystery." Sonic leaned back in his chair like a smug relaxed chode.

"Not only did Tails apparently stabbed himself in the doorway of his room before throwing himself out the window, but he also let blood get on his fully constructed Lego Star Wars Death Star set. Seems a little suspicious, wouldn't you agpee?"

"I think you and I both know Tails is - I mean was… a huge fuckin weeb. I bet he was trying to commit uhhhh sudoku or something like those japs do." Sonic trailed his thoughts out in front of his black counterpart, "And about the fully constructed Lego Star Wars Death Star set… I believe that he could have used it as a way to set up one of his potential murders, and who knows? It could've been a trap for me."

"You seem to have given this a whole lotta thot, huh? Almost like you're tryin' to come up with excuses." Shadow did a shoadow move.

"Lol nah," Sonic shrugged, looking a bit irritate from Shadwow's prodding words and dark energy, "I'm just spittin my balls here my dude, shouldn't you be asking me personal questions rather than suspect-y questions? Quick tuggin on my knob here, roller skate boy."

"Sonic...you ARE the suspect. In my eyes, that is. Those dumb coppers think Tails really DID do everything he "said" in his suidide note. Now, if you don't gimme some straight answers FAST, I'm gonna -"

At that moment, the door opened and none other than the Chaotix walked in, or, in Charmy Bee's gay case, buzzed in. Espio scoffed and shook his freaky fucking lizard head, saying in his british voice,

"Shadow, I think you've had your fun. Let the real detectives sort this out. You haven't been on the force since June of last year."

"Chaotix… I should've known you dumb shits would be on this case." Shawod shadow'ed as he begrudingly go up to shake their hands because he was forced to by the law of the PI world.

Vector opened his big boy crocodile mouth.

"Not much of a 'case', huh _Shit_ow? Pretty open and shut by the looks of it. We got our child homo lunatic, and thank God Sonic is still alive. I'm a huge fan, y'know"

SOnic winked and put up a peace sign like a weeaboo. "Heh, I'm a big fan of your work too uhhh, Vex my boy, great job on the Zodiac killer case!"

"Well, HAHA - it was quite easy to catch 'em… he was my mom!" Vector screamed out his joke with a big man laugh that shook the world.

They all shared a warm and hearty laugh. It really was his mom.

"Good times, eh?" Espio slithered and giggled like a schoolgirl, "So, um, S-Sonic-senpai…..Can I have your signature? My school is doing a field trip and I need parental consent to go... P-please sign here, I-I wanna go."

"Heh, sure thing you sweet purple boy! Come 'ere!" Sonic smiled WIDE, a little too wide, and beckoned Espio over as the reptile's knees went almost weak as he shuffled over blushingly to his blue idol with the document in question. Sonic signed and Espio went all doki doki.

"This is bullshit." Shadow wheelied out of the room, a slap on his ass coming from Vector. "I'll be out in the field, doing true detective work instead of sucking off the prime suspect's slimy cock."

"Wait, Shadow! I..!" Charmy bee cried out and reached out to Shadwah like a gay little girl. Pathetic.

Shadow zoomed out of the interrogation room, looking back through the ass and seeing them all laughing like a fucking comedy crew while Espio got on his knees before Sonic. Whipping out his Samsung Galaxy s10e, Shadow called a number as he rock n' rolled out of the station.

"Hey, egghead. Got some news on your daughter." he brooded into the technology communication box.

"Shadow, this isn't a good time, I just perfected my new Rogue the Bat Sex Bot and I'm getting antsy in my pantsies. Don't ask questions why I'm making it. Make it snappy." Shdaow used his powerful ears to hear what the fat pervert gay asshole was gaying over the phone.

"The big suspect right now is none other than an old friend of yours… Sonic the hedgehog. The bad news is I don't have any proof, looks like I'll have to pull out the big guns." Shadow narrowed his eye, blinking once and then using his big gloved hand to wipe his whole face out of exhaustion and other feelings that were too deep to describe.

"SONIC IS NOT MY FRIEND, OKAY?" Egghead was being tsundere again, jesus.

"Okay, whatever you say. Sheesh," Big shacow lit his new vape gun and took a big swig, "What I'm saying is that we may have to pull out all the stops we have on this case, like some incriminating evidence robots or something, whatever you can. Also,when are you paying me, you owe me like 10,000 dollars at least."

"I'll give you the money soon! Just tell me if you've made any progress and leave me the hell alone! Milady is waiting…" Eggman's tone turned slightly hot. Ew.

"Gross. Progress, you say? Let's just say we've made little to none, the blur is being a cunt as always. But I feel like I have the power to take him down, if you know what I mean." Shadow fisted his hand into a fisted as he felt determined.

"Okay cool story bro k byeeeeee." Egghead hung up fast. And fast reminds Sahdwo of Sonic. And Sonic makes Shadow anrgy and edgy.

Shadow hung up the phone just like his hung pp. SLiding it into his leather jacket pocket, he pulled out a thick cigar and chewed on it like a doggo chews on his owner's sausages. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere by playing by the rules - sonic was too quick for that kinda startegy. It looked like he had to pull out the big guns…

For a moment, a phantom apparition appeared behind Whadow, he wanked rally fast yet again, before fading into the night. Shadoowowwowo beeped his car button and slid like a slippery wet serpent into the driver's seat before driving like a batman intp the night into the darkness of Boston city. Spitting his cigar out of the window, hitting a child and possibly giving him a concussion, SHadow muttered one dark broody thing under his breath before accererating into the shadows:

" 市内の犯罪_Crimes in the City… let's go fuck him in the ass… up."

End of Chapter Thre3


	4. Chapter 4: Live and Learn

Chapter Four: Live and Learn

"Uwu yummy." said Sonic, as he finished eating his bekfest chili dog, licking his gloved fingies in delight.

"Man, sometimes I just like to have a _slow_ day." The Hog moaned in relaxstation, kicking up his kicks on the food table. His beautiful eyes slowly moved to the yellowo police tape still covering his victims' big doors. His **EYE **narrows as he remembering the evil he done. He shut his eye, feeling no pain only pleasure as he recalls his once living friends, but no longer. So it seems, they are dead.

The ghosts of his crimes haunt him as he lingers in the room of living, pondering what life might be like if Knuckles hadn't been a dumb gay and slipped and felled on that knife and got Sonic into this problemo. He could've probably fucked Amy multiple times, and copied Tails's homework to help him through class, and met hotter hedgehog girls through KNuckles (even tho he was red and probably had red female friends but whatever. Fuck those reds.)

Arising from his moist chair, SOnnnic heard with his muscular ears a knock on the door and a faint, annoying buzzing and groaning sound. Striding to open the wood, he peered with an evil glare through the pee hole, seeing… Charmy Pee! He was holding his weak little boyfist and rubbing it in pain - he had owied hisself on the masculine door.

He opened the door to see none other than the gay little boy he saw in the peeper hole seconds ago, CHarmy Bee floating with his flying bee wings at his door step after he opened the door.

"Sonic, I came to talk to you about, uh… the recent "happenings" here with your ex-alive friends." Charmy Bee stuttered in his gay child voice as he anxiously looked at Sonic's rugged, hot hedgebod.

"What '"hapenis?'' Hehe, I thought we already talked at the police's house, Charmy." Sonic shrugged off the anxious and loser atmosphere the bee boy was eradiating, "Oh but whatev, what else can I do for ya, lil' buddy?"

"W-well…I really didn't have a chance to talk with you at the station, you left really, uh, fast, heehee..." Charmy bee tried to joke, but he's bad at being funny since he's so small and has a child brain. "Anyway, I have something I need to show you, speedy sir."

"How bout a chili dog first? You look like a starved african child - does your mommy even feed you?" Sonic welcummed Charmy into his apartment, and the bee looked up at daddy Sonic with a look of feeling in his little boy eyes.

"I was breastfed." The Bee replied.

"Lmao nice." Sonic replied, thinking of tiddies.

The penis man buzzed in, looking around with a sick feeling in his gut at the yellow tape - he doesn't like the tape, tape hurts when he pulls it off his skin after the big bullies from his elementary school put it on him after he said he was gonna report them to the PP Principal for stealing the hot gorls lunch money. Boy, was his life shitty.

"Well, you know I'm a veggietarian, right? I don't like to eat dogs since they're cute." Charmy Bee said like a piece of shit, taking a sat down at the table in the eating room, "Do you have anything else to eat?"

"NO - I subsist only off of chili dogs, being fast, and my fame. It's the chili dogs or nothin', kiddo," Sonic did a spin on the floor, and deep-throated another chili dog right in front of Charmy Bee!

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-well okay then, Daddy," The Bee pulled out a CLIFF bar from between his twink ass cheeks and began to munch on the food rod in anxious.

"That's a good boy," Sonic patted Charmy's thicc, jiggling bee butt, and proceeded to stand on the counter. "What did you want to chitty-chat about anyway? You know I live a fast life and don't got no time for not being speedy, hahaHAHA!"

"I wanted to ask you a couple of questions first, if you have the time, Mr. Sonik." Charmy Bee folded his hands together as if he was praying to our lord and savior, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

"Shoot, my child." Sonic beckoned with his hands for Charmy to being asking him the questions he had prepared for Sonic, closing his eyes and imagining all the fun he could be having if Charmy Bee wasn't bothering him right now.

"I know you said tail had committeddd the sudoku before he went falling out of the tall building, but uh, uh, the dead body science man had another idea. He said Tailes the fox actually died _before_ he fell from the big window, which means he couldn't have done a walk and a jump."

Sonic felt a flinch deep within his soul, but pushed it down so he could remain the cool witty hedgehog he always is. He took a deep breathe out his shiny wet (that means he's healthy) hedgehog nose before proceeding.

"That's not all… You said you use Bing, but, like, who the fuck uses Bing nowadays? Also I found your gmail account, ifuckhothedgehogs69420lolgottagofastfuckshadow "

"Shut up, I like Bing cuz it's not popular, also I needed a gmail for google docs so I could write my Batman fanfic- I MEAN UH FOR SCHOOL!" Sonic blabbed a little too much to the child cop bee, who used his BIG BRAIN, bigger than his body, to think the truth.

"See, even if you did have a gmail, it looks like you turned off location services, so we couldn't use the data if we tried." CHarmy Bee finished eating his crunch bar and stuffed the wrapper back into his behind. "But how could the foxy fox boy have jumped from his window with such a bad wound? And _why?_ ... It appears he was stabbed in his doorway, so uh, I think that means he would have to walk to his room and THEN jump and uh, not fly high."

"Heh… heh… Y'know, even if what you _were_ insinuating is true, Cummy Pee, you only have circumsized evidence. NO cock hard rock hard proof…" Sweat was now dribbling down Sonic's face like those big black basketball players on the court dribble their balls, but his was sweat.

The little pee pulled a vanilla folder out of his ass, hands shaking with feer but also determinatwion. He looked up at the big Man, as he was exactly at dick sucking height, but said in a voice not filled with Sonic's pp.

"I know the truth, Snacc. I know what you done diddly did. All the evidence points to YOU." Charmy Bee shook and quivered, "As I was analyzing the fully constructed Lego Star Wars Death Star set (which is impressive and bey0nd my comprehension), I found a hidden camera within the laser thingy. The smart man tails must have had it in there for lewd purposes, the little sicko. Anyway, after analyzing the years of probably illegal sexual footage on the little bugger, and using my smart analysising brain, I came to the day of the deaths. SONIC, I KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO COMMITTED THESE CRIMES! PLEASE, COME CLEAN!"

Sonic be silent. And also not going fast. This was all wrong. _Wrong._

"S-Sonic, I'm planning on telling the CHaotix about this..oh, and the black man too. But if y-you feel remorse and sad for your crimes, you should come clean yourself- for Amy! For Tails! At least Knuckles death wasn't your fault, but why them?!" Charmy Bee cried out in his desperate child voice, little boy sad tears fell from his eye and landed on the carpet. It stained the carpet.

"...No one can be allowed to view, Charmy. Also, you KNOW tears can stain the carpet. Don't stain the carpet." Sonic muttered.

Sonic's **EYE** darted around the room, almost as fast hee could diddly dash, but there was no weapon close by. Besides, there would be struggle, he'd have no chance to kill the bee and explain it. His heart began to go doki doki faster and faster, walls were closing in around him, he could see the prison cell in front of him, the electric chair shocking his gooey hogbrians out. No…. _NO…._

"S-Sonic! Stop right where you are! I have a copy of this file in my office, and with a single call, I can alert my friends!" Charmy Bee stood up as fast as he could, but not as fast as Sonic could, and held his phone to his bee ear and typed numbers, do bees have ears? whatever. "Please, be rational about this, I'm sure we can still-"

Sonic dabbed rally fast, for reasons he couldn't explain. It was instinct, born from fear and not wanting to be caught. He felt something cum up inside him, the world spin and makes him feel like he was on a roller coaster like Space Mountain, something big was cumming and… THEN! -

Sonic had just finished eating his bekfest chili dog, licking his gloved fingies in delight. He stopped, as he remembered what had just happened. What the holy shit fuck just went on. Wasn't Cahrmy Bee gonna rat him out like the little sneaky bee fuck he was?

Sweat began to drip anew from his blue brow, and Sssonc slowly put down his tasty snacc. He was just talking to that gay fuckface charmy bee…. He was going to be torned in… It was over…. But now…?

Sonic heard a familair knock on his door, not unlike the knocks of Charmy Bee he had heard just minutes earlier, and he got frozen as if Elsa from Frozen had shot him with her ice powers (if she could hit him that is), and he was still. Why had he been transported back in time? What fuckery is amongst the hedgehog at this very moment?

Sonic knew Charmy Bee was there, he knew he would use the evidence against him, he knew what he must do to keep his murdery secret…. Sonic thot FAST.

He rose from his sitting position, and looked towards the door. He got the tomato slicer from his kitchen and wedged it snuggly between his gloriously fat ass cheeks, _fuck_. Putting on his best smile, the Hog opened the door and looked down at the little shit who was gonna ruin his life.

"Heya, Charmy! What can I do for ya, little buddy?" Sonic beemed at the little bee boy like he was his own brother from anotha motha, welcoming the buzzy child into his humble afartment.

"W-well, I had important busy-business to converse with you...about the deaths of your ex-alive friends?" Charmy Bee hesitantly buzzed crossed the thresholds of Sonic's sweet pad.

"Hehe, I figured you'd cum. Miss me at the police's house?" Sonic shutted the door behind the bee boy and locked it quietly but still quickly.

"Y-yes actually, how did you… Amyway, I did have something big I wanted to talk about with you, Mr. Sonic." Charmy Bee floated like a gay freak across the room, the manilla folder obviously showing between his cheeks, just like Sonic had seen before.

"Listen, charmy… I have somethin I've a-wanted to get off my conshence. I've been feeling terrible and… Unsonic-y. I want to confess. I killed my friends Tail the foxs and AMy Roast."

"R-really? You admit to your crimes? H-how'd you know I was going to talk to you about this…Why now after you denied everything?" Charmy Bee slowly turned back to face the blue blur, cautious fear rising like lava in an active volcano in his fuzzy and tiny bee body.

SOnic slowly paced the room, keeping his ass cheeks firmly out of the Bee's beady sight, saying in his voice of acting, "I couldn't keep up the facade any longer…. Plus I knew that eventually amazing, super awesome and cool detectives like you, Cummy, would discover the truth… But you were even _fast_er than I dared to thonk…"

"F-faster than _da _Sonic? How is that even physically possible…" Charmy came a little, being called fast by the blue blur himself. The flattery… the ideas of maybe FINALLY getting some goddamn respect, finally, was getting to the bee's tiny, weak freak brain.

"Hehe, you know it, kiddo." Sonic grinned big and clenched his cheeks tight in anticipation, feeling the thick shaft of the slicer like a pp (but not his, his was bigger).

"B-but wait...you pride yourself on being the fastest thing alive, so why would you say I'm faster than you?" Charmy Bee's empty stomach sank like the Titanic did in that one movie with the car sex, god I jerked off to that many many times.

"Lol ya got me there, Charmy," Sonic sped up close to the bee, creating bodily tensions, "You know I always gotta go fast. And nobody… _nobody_… Is faster than _**Sonic the Edgehog**__._"

Charmy Bee gasped in his little gay bee voice, realisation hitting him like a big car going fast. But it was too late! Sonic grabbed the knife from between his ass cheeks, and plunged it deep within Charmy Bee's chest, pinning him against the wall and covering his tiny bee mouth to keep him shutted up. The little detective boy who knew too much was dying and could do nothing about it because of Sonic's large strength.

Barely getting a chance to squeam, Chummy Pee died in SOnic's big arms, eyes going blank staring at the last thing he'd ever see - Snaic. The folder fell from his grasp like a used cum tissue, and SOnic felt peace once more.

"Phew! That was a close one, huh?" Sonic sighed and put his hands on his hips, letting the bee's lifeless body fall splat on the floor, haha. "I would've been TOAST if I didn't conveniently travel back in time that one time. What's the deal with that shit anyway?"

Sonic turned and suddenly…...there was a ghosty figure in front of him that wanked rally fast. He was big and mean, with blue horns on his head and arms thicker than a lamp post. Also his bulge, damn.

"W-woah!" Sonic backed up fast in the surprise, stepping on the bee body, "Wh-who are you?"

The ghosty looking strong man that looked kind of vaguely like Sonic smiled and nodded his head, his arms crossed over his manly big chest with muscles and his 13 pack abs.

"I-I see…So, you're my "stand" like one of those from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, parts 3 through fucking infinity?" Sonic did a thonk. "Holy Sonic, so it was thanks to YOU that I could cover my ass yet again! Wow, thanks a lot, bro."

Sonic had another chili dog and offered it to his stand, but he silently declined his kind and gentlemanly offer. Sonic ate both of the chili dogs in one throatfull.

"With this new power, maybe I actually _can_ evade the law. Combined with my amazing and unbeatable speed, I could be unstoppable! Fuck the police!" Sonic did another dance move as the stand gave him a thumbs-up and vanished within Sonic's hedgehoggy body.

"Now, what to do with this little fella?" Sonic thot for a second, then smiled with the evil.

(TIME PASSES)

Sonic was preparing the dinner for the Chaotix, as a "thank you" for being super nice to him at the police's house. He had invited them over to "celebrate the lives we had lost" or some bullshit reason he came up with. Also, Sonic knew they couldn't resist since they were his fanboys. The time on the clock was 6:30, and they should be arriving any minute!

DING DONG. That must be them. Squirting and sprinting over to the big door fast as fuck boiiii, he pulled it open and saw Espeeon, Vex, and the bunny bitch Cream.

"THanks for havin' us over master SOnic, we are honored to be in your humble adobe." Vecks said with his crocodile smile, fat gut wobbling with glee at his favorite hedgggggeee.

"I-I'm so excited to eat the food you prepared for us, Sonic-senpai…I am truly honored…" Espio shyly wiggled his lizard hips and blushed super red - what a silly schoolgirl reaction of him!

"Heh, no problem, kohai! Who's this little girl you brought with you?" Sonic leaned over the Cream with a friendly look on his face.

"Sh-she's my _girl_friend!" Espio ejaculated, holding Cream's hand. She was obviously too young for him, but Sonic wasn't one to judge.

"Wow, cool!" Sonic pretended to look slightly betrayed when he looked at Espio.

Espio leaned over to Sonic and whispered/moaned in his ear, "But you're the only hedgehog for me, senpai. I only got a girlfriend to make you notice me, uwu."

Sonic smirked and squeezed Espio's booty, making him blush and retreat back to his loli gf.

"Sorry that dummy Charmy Pee couldn't come SOnic, he's been AWOL for about a week now. Probably off trying to get laid in Atlantic city again, loser." Vex apologized to Sonic as he patted his back with his meaty croc claw hand fist.

"Isn't he working on the case? What an idiot, the case is SO cut and dry it's retarded he's even looking at it." Cream finally piped up, with her stupid girl voice, looking towards Espio for approval.

"Lol you're the smartest AND coolest Sonic, forget that gay, you got any beers?" Vex glanced to Cream's ears cuz they were long and Vex was entranced by their floppyness.

Sonic got the boys (not Cream because she was young, she gets a Capri Sun) a couple of Bud Lites, and lit it up as they chatted about life and things. Suddenly...

A cock on the door. Didn't even use the doorbell. Fucker. The blue blur dashed to the door and pulled it open, revealing none other than the thorn in his ass, Shadad the Black Knight.

"Well, well, well, well… Look who showed up fashionably late as always. I'm happy you could bless us with your presents, Detective." Sonic yelled with his big crocodile mouth as he downed another alcoholic beverage.

"Any excuse to gather more evidence against the bigger murder boy in Boston is fine by me cockhog. WHat's on the menuwu? Not that I give a single solitary fuck. Whatever."

Sadow pushed past his blue rival and wheelied into the room of once living, seeing the Chaotix and giving an internal moan of bitchery and angst.

Sonic was anrgy, fuckin Shoadow. He did not like him one bit. No siri. That darkie was bad news, Sonic concluded with his thinking mind. He handed him a Bud Lite with hesitation since he didn't want to share his beer with that bad boy excuse of a hedgehog.

"What the fuck is this? I only drink Jaegermeister, the biggest baddest beer on the market, Faggy gay."

"Deal with it, man. It's the best I've got. Plus, nothing can beat the refreshing taste of Bud Lite beer!" Sonic advertised and money rained on him from the heavens. Espio blushed at Sonic's capabilities. OwO.

"Best you got but not the best I got, I guess." The black man pulled a gallon can of the German nasty beer and slammed it on the table, giving Cream a minor heart attack. Vex recorded a TikTok like a chad. He smirked in satusfaction, having pulled one over the blue dick. Sonic felt rage bubble like when someone shakes a bottle of coke too much then deciedes to open it like an asshole all over someone's geology homework. SOnic swallowed his anger - he would get his rewenge.

The timer dinged on the oven. "DINNER'S READY!" Sonic announced with a sCREAM, and everyone except Shadow (that bitch) cheered and smashed their beers together (except Cream since she didn't have a beer cuz she was underage). She tried to cheers her CapriSun, but she was too short to reach and no one wanted to do it with her cuz she was a little girl.

Everyone sat at the table as Sonic pulled out the big roast from the oven and set it on the table as everyone (except Shamwow) gasped with how delicious it looked. Like that one scene from the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas where everyone eats the Christmas ham. Sonic brought over the side dishes and other dinner shit.

"Dig in, my friends." Sonic flossed and everyone (except Shadoo) gladly started to pick up the food they wanted on their plates to eat.

"What kinda meat is it, Jesus? I mean Sonic, hahahaHAHA." Vex laughed. Espio laughed. SOnic laughed. Cream cried. Shadow brood.

"No, seriously. What's the dish, asshole." Shadow put his roller skate feet up on the table like a bastard with nO FUCKING MANNERS.

"Heh, I'm glad you asked." Sonic wiggled his finger with a smirk like the classic Sonic does. "It's honey roasted Bear from the Alps! A very rare find and a delicious one at that! I had my G-ma send it to me as a "get-well" gift for my dead friends."

Everyone got quiet cuz it was awkward for Sonic to mention his deads friends so lightheartedly. Cream was crying like a baby so Espio wrapped her in swaddling clothes and rocked her to sleep with a binky in her rabbit mouth.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Sonic." Espio shed a tear and Cream caught it in her sleep to refrain from staining the carpet. "Please, let us eat this dish in honor of those who have passed."

"Yeah, cool." Sonic said with his trademark shrug, ten dollars fell from the heavens.

Shadman examined the meat with a meaty gaze. "Kind of a small cut for bear, Sonic. Was it a cub?"

"G-ma can only spare so much, y'know. She shares her hunting haul with the homeless, that #blessed woman! Did you guys know she killed the bear herself? What a badass." Sonic said with a smile and made Vex laugh, as always.

Espio took a big boy bite and chewed the meat like a hungry hungry hippo. Except he's a lizard.

"Wow Senpai, you are chef of Gordon Ramsey world-renowned, this tastes as good as god's asshole." Espio creamed his skirt with every bite as his gleaming eyes fixated on Sonic with admiration and desire for sex.

Vex swallowed his portion whole. "Man, Charmy bee would've loved this. Sucks for him he couldn't have a taste."

"Charmy's a veggietarian, you fucking idiot chad." Shadow scoffed as he set his fork down and glared at Vex. "How could you possibly forget something so important about your friend? Fuck you."

Vex lowered his big head in shame and his gargantuan scaly crocodile pp went limp (still smaller than sonic's and shadow's).

"Hehe… I think Charmy will have his share. I made this with him in mind, after all… Too bad he couldn't make it tonight." Sonic lovingly stroked his portion of the meat with his knife, the others (except Shadow) nodding in agreement.

"Fuck this. I want to go home and play Witcher 3 and see Geralt's hot ass. God, I love his ass. Not in a gay way, just in a bro way. I admire his work and his fitness. Also I'm out, bitches." Shadow got up and roller skated away without even saying thank you for the meal he didn't eat.

…

Everyone enjoys the meal and the conversation (except Shacow, who hated everyone and didn't stay for dessert) and before they knew it, it was Cream's bedtime of 6PM and they had to get going so her mommy, Officer Judy Hops, didn't get mad.

"Th-thank you so much for having us over, Sonic-senpai...Please let's meet again," Espio blushed and squirmed in his schoolgirl uniform, leaning closer to Sonic, "_Alone, please…"_

Cream pretended not to see, turning her gaze away from her gay as fuck bf.

"Lol, good to see you too, Espio! Take care, little Cream, tell your mom I say hi and I loved her movie!" Sonic waved as the two left, Vex following close behind, staring at Cream's bunny booty.

Sonic closed the door behind them, turning around and walking towards the now messy and devoid of people table. Gazing at the thoroughly eaten meat dish in the center before slowly (but still kind of quickly cuz he's Sonic) moving to the closet door, sliding it open and staring down with a look only bad boys have. The severed head of Charmy Bee was in a Walmart plastic bag, his dumb and dead face looking gay in its deadness.

"Nobody can be allowed to view… Ever. Isn't that right, _Live and Learn_?" Sonic smiled menacingly, his hedgehog man stand posing behind him.

Ora... _ora_.

End of Capther Quatro...to be continued..,...


End file.
